Testing

After matching with the couple, there were many tests I had to complete - the first being a Psych evaluation. I went CRAZY waiting to find out whether or not I was...crazy (not really)...funny how that works.

The psych evaluation consisted of a Skype interview with me, Phil and a psychologist - general questions about every day life and why I want to be a surrogate. At the end of the conversation, I was told I passed!

After passing the psych evaluation, I my next step was to go to the fertility clinic for a medical screening. At the medical screening, I got to spend the afternoon meeting the intended parents in person. It was amazing how comfortable we all felt around each other!

...I also passed the medical screening.

Matched

November 2014

Phil and I met a couple via Skype and felt completely comfortable talking to them - like we've known them for a long time.  Funny how that works.

We all said yes.

Life as a surrogate in waiting...

Being a surrogate in waiting is very interesting.  

You start out by doing a ton of paper work and interviewing.  You have surrogacy on your mind all of the time.  Then, there comes a point in time where you wait.  

You wait to find those intended parents who have the same values as you.  You wait to find those intended parents who want to work with you.  You wait to find those intended parents you want to work with.  You wait to find those intended parents you're compatible with.  

You wait to be matched.

During this waiting process, a lot of times you forget you're a surrogate in waiting.  You work, you raise your kids, you fix up your house - you simply live life.

Then, without much notice, you get a call that intended parents have viewed your profile and want to meet you.  Now, you're back to constantly having surrogacy on your mind again...but you realize you didn't find *those* intended parents and you go back to waiting.

Phil and I have always had the mindset of, "if it works out, great but if it doesn't, that's okay" and I think that mindset is what has gotten us this far in the process.

...til next time.

For rent

FOR RENT:

One womb.  Fully functional.  28 years of age.  

Inquire within.

Matching

I'm thinking about matching independently.  How does one go about marketing/promoting their womb?  

Time to do more research! 

Back from a long break

Hi, all - remember me?

This summer was SO busy.  I didn't even have a minute to sit back and think about the fact that I haven't been matched with intended parents yet.

Now that things have settled down, I have sought the support from fellow surrogates.  They are all in shock that it's been 10 months and I haven't been matched.  They have suggested I look into other agencies.

SO, that's what I'm doing.  Researching and talking with other agencies.  Wish me luck!

Hello again.

Hi guys - remember me?  I'm back!  The winter has been long so far.  From November - January, I was completely booked with baking and now that we're into February, I am ordering my bees for the summer but will be keeping it low-key with only one hive (unless my other hives survived the polar vortex).

On to this whole surrogacy thing.  I have been waiting...very patiently to have activity on my profile.  I figure if it happens, great and if it doesn't then it wasn't meant to be.  

A couple from another country checked out my profile last week and liked what they read but they have additional questions and concerns at this point so I have yet to see their profile.  Things seem to be moving along...slowly but surely.  I don't mind at all.  The longer I wait, the older my kids get, resulting in a better understanding of the process.

I will keep you all updated in the next couple of weeks.  For now, enjoy the double digits, MN!

No update

Hello,

I wish I had something more to write but the fact remains that I haven't seen another profile.  I feel completely normal mentally - I don't feel anxious and most days, I don't even think about it.  Every once in a while, I will remember or be reminded that I am a surrogate in waiting (at which point, I get super excited) but I typically just live my normal life.  

I am constructing a 5-tier wedding cake next month and will be doing a test run in the next couple of weeks (so, if anyone wants cake...!).  I will be baking 200 scones for a Christmas tea.  And I will be baking 400 cake balls for a soft opening party.  

Things like that keep me and my mind quite busy.  

Hope to update you soon!

Changing weather

We received our first profile.  It was a very exciting time for us (me especially).  It really continues to amaze me - how quickly this whole process can happen.  

We read through it multiple times and discussed a lot.  We had conversations and meetings.  We took the whole weekend to decide how we were going to proceed.  When it came down to it, this profile just didn't seem perfect for us.  We will patiently await other profiles.  I really didn't think the first profile would be "the one" anyway.  

On a side note, I am having a real itch to be pregnant again!  It must be the time of year.  The smell in the air.  Trying to not let this cloud my judgement.  I am so thankful to have Phil by my side - helping me along.

A second side note.  Next spring, I am going to plant pumpkins.  Once October hits, I'm going to have a fall festival with all the neighbor kids.  I'm going to bake cupcake pies, there will be games, we will make caramel apples, and the kids will each get to pick a pumpkin from the garden and bring it home to carve.

It's always been a dream of mine to own a pumpkin patch - who says it can't be in a city backyard?! 

Ciao!!!

Today

It's kind of funny how things work.  Phil and I have been talking about this process for nearly two years.  I started my blog a couple months ago and showed it to people who were interested in reading about my life.  

Today.  Today of all days.  I decided today would be a good day to make it public.  To post it on social media.  To let all people read about this personal experience that our family is going through.

Today I received my first profile.  A profile to look through.  To look through to see if I would be interested in carrying someone's baby. 

Today I am excited.  Excited to go home and talk to Phil.  Excited to leave the profile with him while I'm at a meeting at church.  Excited to hear his thoughts when I get home.

Today.

"All we need..."

I got an email this morning saying the agency has all they need.  Now, I continue to wait to be matched - I know the perfect Intended Parents are out there for me.  I'm feeling excited! 

My other life

We're kind of at a stand still at the moment.  We are waiting to be matched.  Currently, I'm okay with this stand still.  

It is late August.  My favorite time of year - the Minnesota State Fair.  It's also the time of year to extract honey. 

OH yeah,  along with my introduction post, I should have told you a little more about myself.  I have 2 hobbies.  I am a beekeeper in the summer and very recently, I've turned my other hobby (baking) into a business.  I won't get too in depth, but I love them both.

Beekeeping:  I first started out when my dad's friend told me he has been keeping bees for many years.  I thought, "hmm, sounds fun... I've never tried that.  I probably should."  I'm in my fourth year now and am completely hooked.  I love it all - even my battle wounds.  Up until this year, I have had a mentor.  He's still around, when needed.  I think I'm doing OK... there are a lot of bees and honey!

Baking:  My true love.  It relaxes me.  I enjoy trying new recipes.  I like hearing people say how delicious it all tastes.  Do I like it as a job?  Not so sure yet.  I feel anxious when someone pays me for something I made.  I worry whether or not they will like it.  I worry whether or not I will get an angry call or email.  I'm fragile in that aspect. 

Along with my hobbies, I have a full-time job, my husband and I raise two kids and a dog, and our house is always under construction (currently the kitchen).

I'd love to be matched with a couple soon. But for now, I am OK with this stand still. 

Bump

My insurance has been reviewed.  I do not have coverage to be a surrogate mother.  Very bummed.  The agency still thinks they will be able to match me with someone.  It just might take longer than they had originally hoped as they have to find someone willing to pay insurance coverage for me on top of the medical bills and delivery.

Time isn't an issue for me.  I am 27 years old.  I have had two c-sections.  I have two kids.  According to surrogacy law, a surrogate mother cannot have more than three c-sections.  In my eyes, this will be my last pregnancy.  Time is not an issue.  

A bump in the road.  Not the end.  Just stalled until someone picks up this lone hitchhiker...

Why?

Why do I want to be a surrogate mother?

It started out as a selfish thought:: I am done having kids but I want to be pregnant again.  I feel great when I'm pregnant.  I like having a baby grow inside of me.  I love being pregnant.  Me, me, ME!

Surrogacy.  I can be pregnant but not have a child of my own.  Perfect.  

People.  Some people can't have kids.  I love my kids.  They make me happy.  They make me sad.  They bring out a love in me I didn't know I had.  They make me feel complete.  

Everyone who wants to, should feel that way.  Everyone.

Why do I want to be a surrogate mother?

To give the joy of having kids to people who are physically unable to.  To give someone else the sense of completeness I have.  To bring a beautiful life into this world.

Daughter

I have a daughter.  Her name is Josephine.  She is almost a "whole hand!"

Me:  Josephine, do you want me to have another baby?
Josephine:  Ummm.... No.
Me:  What if I had a baby grow in my tummy and then I gave that baby to someone else?
Josephine:  Hmmm... Yeah - and maybe Amanda (aunt) can give baby David (newborn cousin) to someone else!

...okay. Not going as planned.

Me:  There are some people who can't have babies grow in their tummy.  A mommy and a daddy could put their baby in my tummy.  It could grow in my tummy and when it comes out, I could give the baby back to it's mommy and daddy.
Josephine:  YEAH! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

Sweet, sweet girl.  And an ongoing conversation.

Happens for a reason? Not always. (Part one and a half continued)

...The best method for me to get my insurance booklet to the agency is via snail mail.  I asked the agency for the address to send the booklet to.  I didn't hear back.  For days.  The day I heard back, I had *just* returned from my lunch break.  My plan was to go to the post office the next day and send my booklet over.

The next day came and there was a conflict.  For the rest of the week, there was a conflict.  I couldn't get to the post office! 

FINALLY!  Wednesday comes and I can go to the post office during my break.  I have my day completely planned out... when I realize my husband and I have switched cars for the day and my booklet was in the other car.  UGH!

That very same day, a friend directed me to an Instagram post.  It was a post by a young lady who has been having troubles getting pregnant but wants a baby so bad.  My friend tagged me in this post because she thought maybe I could carry this woman's baby but what I got out of this post was so. much. more.  Despite this woman's inabilities to get pregnant, she had so much faith!  It brought me to tears, reading about how her fertility treatments keep failing but it also brought me so much joy reading that she is still praising God - even when things don't seem like they will work out.

Questions.  Flooding my brain.  Is there a reason I haven't been able to find time to send my booklet?  Is there a reason my friend led me to her Instagram post?

I took the initiative.  I am not known for being bold.  But I did it.  I emailed her.  I told her my story.  I told her how touched I was by her story and how amazing her faith is.  I told her that if she and her husband chose to have someone carry their child that they could contact me.

I didn't expect a response but she responded a few hours later.

Kimmie ::

Thank you for your perfectly worded email. You approached the subject with such grace and respect. Thank you again. 

Unfortunately we are not interested in pursuing a surrogacy, I want nothing more than to experience each part of pregnancy as much as it might be challenging at times. We are going to continue this road as the Lord guides us and pray and hope that it is in His will for us to have our own children. I do have so many friends in this same icky infertility journey and will keep my ears open if you would like and I could connect you. Just let me know. 

Again, Kimmie your heart. SO sweet and awesome. Thank you.

 

Sometimes, you just have to be bold and see what happens.  I didn't feel rejected.  I don't know what will come out of the emails - whether or not her friends will contact me.  But I do know some part of me was led to email her.  And I did.

 

The ending to that story?  I mailed my insurance booklet to the agency.  They have received it and are reviewing it.  

 

I got insight.  I got perspective.  I got the option of doing a private surrogacy got instilled in my brain.  

More Homework

Homework:  Talk to someone very involved in the pro life community and get information about the different processes.  |  I had a meeting a couple of weeks ago with a woman in our church who is very involved in the pro life community.  I learned A LOT!  

I want to be a surrogate mother to bring life to a family who can't have kids.  To bring happiness to people who can't carry a child, for whatever reason.  

My understanding of IVF prior to the meeting:
IVF.  In Vitro Fertilization.  Embryos are made in a Petri dish and implanted into someone and the baby grows inside of them.  On average, not more than 3-4 implanted.  I have already told the agency I will not be a part of selective reduction so everything is good.

What I learned at my meeting:
IVF Process:  10-30 eggs are placed in a Petri dish with sperm.  Many of these turn into embryos and are watched for 3-5 days.  After 3-5 days, a number of them (but not all) are implanted.  The parents of the embryos who are not implanted have different options: 

• Donate to stem cell research
• Freeze them
• Discard them

Wow.  I want to be a surrogate mother to bring life to a family who can't have kids.  I do not want to end life for the ones who didn't get selected.  Wow.  This is a lot to digest.

I voiced my concerns to the agency.

Hi Kimberly, 

You understand the process correct; and I understand your concerns. I want to add a bit more "food for thought" if you will...

-While 10-30 eggs are retrieved a majority of them aren't fertilized due to being immature. Then those that are fertilized only the strongest embryos make it to transfer date. Many of them stop developing naturally. We literally see this in the lab but in nature we don't because its "inside" but studies indicate that 1/4 pregnancies are chemical which would be the same scenario (the embryo fails to develop) but in the womb. With that said the number of cycles that end with frozen embryos isn't as high as it may seem and then the number of embryos frozen is typically low. For example for my first surrogacy we retrieved 28 eggs, about 20 of them fertilized and on day 5 we had 7 embryos left. We transferred 2 and the remaining 5 are still frozen (11 years later). 

Keep in mind that these embryos are going to be created or have already been created regardless if you decide to become a surrogate mother or not. But if you DO decide to carry you will be the caring person to possibly help give those embryos life. 

Maybe to help ease your conscious you could only match with a couple who already has frozen embryos. Therefore you can rest assured you are not party of any procedures that would be creating life with the possibility of not giving that life a chance to grow. The life is already created and has "no where to go"

We have matched a lot of pro life surrogates but I think this concern is a first so I hope I was helpful in your soul searching and decision making. 

Talk soon,

Again, overjoyed.  To be able to help a frozen embryo grow.  To bring life to a baby who has already been created.

I need to say Thank You!  To everyone who has made me dig deeper and get answers and do research.  I'm feeling very blessed today.

-Kimmie

Homework

My homework:  Talk to other surrogate mothers and their husbands and ask questions about the aftermath - the emotions they went through after birth and after giving the baby to their parents, after caring for him/her for 9 months.

Let me tell you, with each person I interview, I get more and more excited!  They all tell me the same thing about giving the baby to their parents - "That is the best part!  To see the joy on the parent's faces." 

I just became a member of a surrogacy website and am joining a couple of Facebook pages  to further my research.

Each step I take makes me more and more excited

Short and sweet. 

Part I (and a half)

I asked for a referral from my OBGYN for a new surrogacy agency.  I was referred to an agency in Chicago.  I went on their website and filled out Part I of the application.  Like before, I passed with flying colors.  After Part I was complete, I got an email from a Surrogate Coordinator who works for the agency.  She sent me a lot more paper work to fill out and asked a few questions.  I started filling out Part II and told her why I was rejected from the other agency.  She told me she doesn't think they will have any issue matching me with intended parents and asked if I would send them my insurance information. YES!....wait, WHAT?!

WOW!  Amazing!  On cloud 9!  Then, all of the sudden, scared out of my mind!  How is this happening so quickly?  There are a lot more people I want to talk to before a baby is implanted in me!  I haven't talked to my work yet.  I haven't talked to our Pastor.  OMG! What am I going to do?!

*Deep Breath* First, I have to find my insurance booklet.  That will buy me a couple of days.  

I talked to my work.  They were speechless because they had never really thought about someone working for them becoming a Gestational Surrogate.  They asked questions.  I answered.  They are very supportive.  I am so blessed to have this job.  

I set up an appointment to talk to our Pastor and he suggested I talk to a lady in our church who is very active in the pro life community so after a few emails back and forth, I set up an appointment with her. 

IVF...

Part I continued

Abortion.  A controversial issue.  I am pro life.  If this blog post will make you mad, please don't read it.  I'm not writing this to offend people.  Like I said in my first post, this is a diary for me.  People are welcome to read my diary but I write this for me.  And guess what?  I have the same values as me. 

Do I understand that the parents would want the final say on what happens to their baby?  Yes.  Do I understand this is not my baby?  Yes.  Do I understand they are paying for the pregnancy?  Yes.  

The thing I didn't understand from the email is how there can be an agency that has zip, zero, null, no one in their database who has the same views on termination as I.  They dismissed me.  Completely.  They didn't say, "we'll keep your application on file for when we have someone with your same views."  They didn't say, "we will try to match you with someone who is open to hearing more about your point of view."  They simply dismissed me.  

Why do I feel this way?  I don't like abortion.  I don't like terminating a baby for any reason.  I always think there is another option.  I have faith.  I have hope.  This is who I am.  This is what I believe.

My beliefs differ from a lot of people but I know, personally, I would not be able to participate in an abortion - whether it is my baby or someone else's baby, I would not be able to be a part of it.  

What I want to do with my role as a surrogate mother is bring life to people who want more than anything to be parents.  I know how I feel about my kids and how much love they have brought to my life.  I hurt for the people who struggle to get pregnant.  I want to help.

My search continues.